Hi there and welcome to this week's episode of Charlie’s Toolbox. Today we are discussing your single-girl holiday blues. There’s this overall gloom you all bring to the holidays because you see the girls with their partners happy and joyful and it’s time to have a different attitude about this and lighten the mood a little.
This is vague ..I took power over a situation that would previously leave me disempowered and it made me really see how much of a woman I am becoming and I am so happy to see and feel this!
Song of the Week
This week's song of the week is Cedes-Benz by The Dream. I am late but I finally watched Queen and Slim and that’s where I found the song. The song is sexy, and I’ve been bumping it around the house.
I’ve also been in a Daniel Kaluuya kick, so I’ve been watching his films and that song got me. A question for the UK girls are the innits that charming? Or is he an anomaly because I need more charm in my life.
When you are single, a career person who is separate from your family, and your friends are away, the holidays can be disorienting because it makes you feel like you are alone when you really aren’t. This phenomenon is so prevalent in our society that it has been given the name of the holiday blues.
These holiday blues are starting to show up on the timeline, but it is expressed as bitterness, envy, and anger at people whom they don’t know, and we need to move you away from being sour pusses, and into a space of doing something about it.
**A caveat, this isn’t applicable to people who are mourning and grieving a loved one during the holidays, this is about the love-struck and love-hungry who make the holidays their prison. It’s time to shift into enjoying your life and stop waiting for someone to rescue you from your misery.
When gearing up for this holiday season, you must stop making your life so miserable. I know you girls will give me a well if I could, I would…. but you can! You can stop pitying yourself. You can process those emotions. You can be kind to yourself. You can stop thinking of being alone during the holidays as a personal failure. You can stop using the moment where you are alone as the theme for your life, and make life a game, a movie scene, or an opportunity to try something you’ve never done.
Don’t make it a personal failure or an indication that there is something wrong with you. Holidays can be lonely; however, you don’t have to add to the loneliness by using insults from your past and lying about yourself. That is a choice and a choice that you don’t have to make. Not having someone during the holiday does not have to mean anything. It can literally be what it is, which is a celebratory day that you are spending with yourself.
Think creatively about your life and asks yourself questions. Think grand, think small, think intricately… For example,
· Have you ever been whale watching on Christmas?
· Have you ever gone ice skating during the holidays?
· Have you ever traveled to the beach and watched the sunrise on Valentine's day?
· Did you know the day after Christmas is a great day to do a spa treatment?
· Your job is to stop allowing yourself to wallow in a self-made prison and think creatively and get yourself out of it.
You should also do for yourself what you want romantic love to do for you. Most of your pity is coming from not having the love you see on social media. Though you don’t want to admit it, you want the love you see on IG, you want the PJ set, the roses, and the unboxing moments. You want those moments, and it hurts to think that you don’t have that.
And this part is where you will have to get over yourself. Like really get over yourself. Yes, we want to love but what you are doing is a movie scene and you are giving us the best Bridget jones diary feelings you’ve ever seen. So, indulge your emotions of course! Give your emotions room for one day, then get over yourself and buy your own PJ set. buy yourself something luxurious and film unboxing them. Spoil yourself like you would your man and get over yourself because this is not the end of the world. You may feel a way, but with the proper framework, you are ok. You are more than ok.
One thing I absolutely love doing is traveling during the holidays. My holidays are always so fun because I leave and make memories. For example, I spent my birthday and Christmas in Iceland under the fluttering northern lights. I spent holidays on the beach tanned, sipping water and margaritas, and reading a book under a cabana. When you don’t have any strings attached, you can leave. You can have Valentine's day in Singapore. You can celebrate the New Year on a beach with new friends you made while traveling. You don’t have to be home alone and sad looking at everyone's happiness on Instagram. You can find your happiness locally too. You can find your local social calendar and find holiday-themed bars, pop-ups, concerts, ice skating, and try holiday-themed drinks. There are so many opportunities to enjoy yourself and you must decide to do that instead of spending your time mopping, the choice is yours.
So, to recap, instead of choosing gloom and doom on the holiday, do the following:
· Stop making your life so miserable
· Think creatively about your life
· Do for yourself what you want romantic love to do for you.
· Get over yourself
· Travel during the holidays, which always makes you forget about your loneliness.