Plan out of Loneliness

This document is constructed for introverted people. Introverted people can be the life of the party; however, we do not get our energy from connecting with people. We tend to get it from disconnecting from people and spending time alone with ourselves to recharge. So, it will take a lot of energy to get yourself acclimated to meeting new people. Don’t be so hard on yourself, it will all come together.

Loneliness is described, “is the distress that results from discrepancies between ideal and perceived social relationships."[1]Research shows that loneliness is a perception and an actual problem. People who tend to feel loneliness often perceive their world as threatening. So, they misrecognize welcoming behavior as hostile and deny the opportunity for new people.[2] In an article by Lisa Firestone, she argues that people who perceive negative evaluation, “often engage in overly cautious social behaviors that perpetuate their social isolation.”[3] She also argues, “Individuals build certain psychological defenses to adapt to the early environment that can hurt or limit them in their current lives.”

  • What limiting thoughts are you telling yourself about your new environment?

  • How are you misreading some social cues as hostile?

  • What phrases are you able to say to yourself while operating in a new space, so that you aren’t anxiety-ridden?

Strategies for meeting new people

  1. Your body language is a welcome mat. It can either welcome folks in or deter them from approaching you. Most of the time we have a resting bitch face to ward off harassers on the street. Keep that face, but also practice in the mirror a welcoming face.

  2. Practice slow smiles

  3. Alluring Eye contact

  4. Chipper demeanor


  1. You cannot meet anyone, or make friends by staying in. It is counterproductive. Here are some apps that will help you meet people for free.

  2. Meetup

  3. Look up meetups that you actually like and not where you think “cool” people are or well-networked places

  4. Attend at least one event a month


  1. Bumble Friendship

  2. Go out alone and dance by yourself

  3. Your city’s websites

  4. Facebook events


  1. Introduce yourself to people.

  2. Your energy will be the best thing that will help you make friends

  3. Make friends with the bartender or doorman

  4. People want to be around people who are excited, hyped, and happy. They want an addition to their life, not a subtraction. So, approach each person with joy and genuine excitement because you do actually want to get to know people.

  5. Examples of introduction lines

  6. Hey, I love your outfit, are you guys new here like me?


  1. focus on your career similarities is a great entryway too

  2. You look like a lawyer is my guess correct?


  1. Location

  2. Find places that cater to you and your needs

  3. Dress code

  4. Music

  5. culture


Challenges

  • Go out at least one time a month by yourself

  • Remember that a lot of our fears are constructed because of our own fears and the stories we tell ourselves.

  • Rewrite the message you tell yourself. Remember that you are welcomed because you are you and that experience is unique. No one has the exact order, life, or parents as you. So, that alone makes you unique.

  • Remember life isn’t happening to you, you are floating along or you are creating the life you want (excluding abuse)

[1] https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/compassion-matters/201709/what-drives-our-loneliness

[2] https://www.psychalive.org/loneliness/

[3] https://www.huffpost.com/entry/what-drives-our-loneliness_b_59cd7154e4b0f3c468060d50

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