It’s 2:00 pm and you have a brunch reservation with your girlfriends. The unlimited mimosas are pouring and loud laughter is ensuing, but soon you realize that the conversation has turned to men. You hear the complaints about how men date, how cheap the new generation of men are, how much they push for sex, how disappointing it is to date, and how they will forever be alone. Initially, you didn’t mind this conversation because we all have issues with romance, but after the third brunch, you realize that this is a habit. Moreover, an issue. You are ok with being single, but even though your friends say they are too, their conversation does not look like it.
This is a result of societal conditioning. For far too long, we’ve associated women’s happiness with obtaining a husband and building a family. So much so, that women have internalized this idea and feel as though they have no identity, no happiness, and will never be content if they don’t have these things.
So, to break this habit of turning every conversation into complaints about men or believing deep down inside that you will be unhappy if you don’t obtain a man or a family or constantly thinking about men. I’ve outlined ways to make you center yourself and be happy about it:
1. Stop Pausing Your Life
Whatever you want to experience you can. Yet, you don’t because you are waiting for someone you don’t know nor have you met to rescue you and take you along their venture. Why are you pausing your life for someone who isn’t guaranteed? Why are you pausing your life for someone you do not know? You are living for a hypothetical situation and in turn, wasting your time.
2. Get a Life
You yearn to experience life with someone. Yet, if I ask you about your typical week. You'd tell me you go to work, go home and sometimes you go out. That isn't a life, that is a boring routine and nothing is exciting about it. Maybe you aren't yearning for man, maybe you are just yearning to fill your life with interesting things.
3. Examine your childhood traumas
Society taught people who desire men that obtaining one will result in happy ever after. So, anytime we are unhappy we use the solution that society has provided us, which is to get a man. However, most times we mistake the aching from childhood traumas as loneliness.
4. Stop talking about dick all the time
If you had a friend that called you every week and the only topic she talked about is dick you’d be frustrated with her. You’d ask her if she had other things to talk about? You’d ignore the phone calls because you live a fulling life and there are other things you’d like to think about.
When you go out with your friends, do your best to talk about other things because lamenting about a dick you don’t have, dick that you aren’t quite there with, and dick that you’d want is an absolute waste of time.
5. Get a Hobby
Get a hobby. Often it isn't that you are missing a man, it is often that you are just bored. So, fill your time with your interest instead of yearning. Take a pole dancing class, learn an instrument, learn a language, do anything besides crying about how lonely you are.
6. Build your community
The world is diverse. Any need or any topic you are interested in, you can cultivate a community around. If you are missing touch from your life like cuddling, build a community that nurtures touch. If you have a yearning to go on dates, have a group of people to plan dates with. Fulfill your needs by creating and connecting with a community.
It isn’t hard to be happy if you realize that everything you need can be cultivated by you. Stop using men as an excuse as to why you aren’t happy. The problems lie within you.