Insecure Season 4 Episode 9: People aren’t Static

(Spoiler Alert)             There are relationships where It does not take heavy lifting to truly connect. Those relationships are often highlighted in the media. The audience usually follows the main character who one day stumbles upon their romantic or non-romantic soulmate and live happily ever after. These relationships experience bumps in the road, but they often get back on track. The show ends with a condensed version of human relating and the audience is left hopeful. Unfortunately, relationships are gritty, dirty, and complex. They don’t have to be hard, but they are absolutely multifaceted.             Season 4 of Insecure demonstrates the challenges of a non-romantic relationship. Since the beginning of the season, Molly and Issa have had a disconnect. They’ve slowly evolved from two co-dependent people who once did everything together. Into two independent people who have not communicated their growth. As a result, their relationship has developed into an unspoken discord where no one is brave enough to confront it.             Molly and Issa’s relationship is typical for women in their late 20s going into their 30s or early 30s. There’s a point in your life where you get tired of your own bullshit and decide to make your life exactly what you want. In Molly’s case, her biggest hurdle was her relationship issues. She dated and to no avail, never found what she wanted, or she self-sabotaged the relationships. Issa, on the other hand, lacked ambition. She did just enough to get by but was unmotivated and unchallenged by her work. Both had areas in their life that they needed to improve. Both were slowly improving on their own volition. However, both were unable to communicate the work they were doing to each other, and the subsequent independence it required. In Season 4 Episode 9 "Lowkey Trying" their relationship issues finally came to the surface. While helping Nathan with moving, Issa ran into Molly and Andrew and stayed over to have dinner. After having a great conversation, Molly accidentally texted Issa a message that was meant for Andrew. In essence, she was talking about Issa during the dinner, which prompted Issa to leave. After Issa and Molly left the party, the real issues were finally confronted. Both of them knew there was an issue that needed to be resolved, but Issa was the only one who continued to create opportunities for them to address it. While I admire her will to create an environment to address it, she was too passive and that conversation led to a surface interaction.   Molly on the other hand was not putting any real effort into salvaging their relationship. Part of the reason why is because 1. She does what every girl in a new relationship does and replaces their friends for their beau. 2. She is operating from a space of pain. Molly, for several seasons, has seen her fair share of disappointment. She was disappointed by her father, Dre, and every relationship that didn't work out. To protect her feelings, she’s used a defense mechanism that no longer serves her. She distances herself from those who she loves the most so that they aren't able to hurt her anymore. Like romantic relationships, pain and trauma can jeopardize relationships and longevity. Currently, Molly's pain is hindering hers. While I am hopeful they will resolve her issues, it makes me think about the complications of my friendships and how I will resolve them in the future. It makes me hopeful about the new person who my friends will be after their big life changes such as promotions, husbands, wives, newfound single-hood, building a family, or changing careers. Finally, it makes me promise to myself that I will do an adequate job of communicating these changes to my friends and accepting them. People are not static. People will change. People will especially change in a long-term relationship. Your job is to communicate that change, and help your partner, whether romantic or not, understand you.

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