If you've been keeping up with Insecure, you've followed the story of Molly. Molly is an archetypal successful woman who fails at love. Her actions are not only desperate but also, she fails to acknowledge her part in the dismantling of all of her relationships.
In romance, she entered an open relationship with her long-term friend only to be hurt when he honored his commitment to his wife. She found someone stimulating, but couldn’t get over the idea that he was dating others. She found her equal and was turned off by him because he oozed the same desperation she exuded. She also ended it with a guy who she found interesting, but couldn’t seem to get over his past. Yet, despite her many chaotic relationships, she saw Issa’s relationship with Condola as yet another testament to her friend’s incompetence. When that moment showed a tremendous amount of growth.
Molly is a perfect example of that happily delusional friend. She not only uses Issa’s life to convince herself that she is doing well. She fails to take her therapist's suggestion regarding “magical thinking.” She sees her life as it should be. She sees her life in comparison to others, but rarely does she see her life as it is. Molly lies to herself about her circumstances because if she faced herself, she may realize that she is the problem, and based on her response to Issa, she would not be able to handle it.
In life, self-reflection is the one tool you need to master to be a better person. Sometimes you have to look at the pattern and ask yourself where can I intervene? What behavior can I change? What can I do to ensure that I am not repeating the same situations? What boundaries do I need to erect to not allow the same type of people in my life?
Self-reflection isn’t beating yourself up. You can also self-reflect without harming yourself. Self-reflection is solely a tool where you review your life objectively. You don’t have to judge your past, you can simply acknowledge those moments and commit to doing better. No matter how perfect you think you are. No matter how much you feel you are doing better than your friends or associates, there is always something that you can improve. Even if you don’t think you are perfect, you have to be self-aware or else you will do damage to your friends and romantic relationships like Molly.