The Overwhelming Pressure of Societal Expectations: Marriage and Children

What do you do when life turns out differently than you planned? For many of us, we dreamed of being married, having a couple of kids, a white picket fence, and a fantastic career by the time we are in our 30s or 40s. However, what if that has not happened yet for you? If it has not, then you are not alone. Cultural norms, economic necessity, and survival needs influenced the idea of getting married and having children by a certain age. Over time, our society changed and the societal expectation of achieving those things by a certain time no longer applies. Nowadays, we have the option of getting married and having children at a later age. However, not everyone may have the resources or ability to achieve those things.

For some, those dreams have not occurred because of one’s living situation, financial instability, fertility issues, mental or physical health issues, career prioritization, or being more intentional about selecting a life partner. Whatever the reason, this societal pressure can leave us feeling inadequate or like a failure, experiencing self-doubt, second-guessing our life decisions, feeling socially isolated, or falling into the comparison trap. The pressure to be married and have children by a certain age, and not achieving that, can make us feel like we are broken, unlovable, behind, or failing.

This common issue begs the question: What can I do to enjoy life without having yet achieved those goals?

·      Detach From Societal Expectations and Reframe Your Life. Breaking free from societal pressure and reframing how you look at your life allows you to live a more fulfilling and enjoyable life.  

• Find Purpose in Your Life. What can you do that will leave you feeling purposeful in life? You can find purpose through volunteering, discovering a new passion, having a fulfilling career, traveling, or spending time with friends or family.

• Stop the Comparison Trap. Comparing your life to someone else’s only leaves you feeling miserable and robs you of a joy-filled life.  

• Remind Yourself That You Are Worthy and Enough. You are not broken or a failure and you are enough, with or without having a partner or children.

• Everyone’s Path is Different and That is Okay. We cannot always control how our path unfolds, as frustrating as that can be at times. If your path looks different from what you imagined, it does not mean you are behind in life or that those goals will never happen. Sometimes it takes a little longer to achieve our goals.

• There is No Age Limit to Your Dreams. If men can get married and have babies at any age, then women can too. There’s no age limit to achieving those goals and there are many ways to achieve those goals.

• Self-Discovery and Self-Reflection Time. You learn a lot about yourself in the process of achieving those goals and discover true internal validation.

• Defining Your Self-Worth. Most importantly, you are still a powerful and fantastic woman with or without the white picket fence life. Society has taught us that we are only a woman if we are married and have children, but nothing could be further from the truth.

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·      Time to Reflect: What does a successful life look like to you? How can you find new ways to feel fulfilled and purposeful in your life now?