You work 40 hours a week and you go out. Most times you are tired, but you are trying to keep your social life. You attend many events and you make friends, but you still don’t have that one person to call on to watch movies and fall asleep on the couch. You have girls to go to brunch with, but you don’t quite have that intimacy you desire. You are incredibly lonely and you are shocked by this because as much as you try to develop that intimacy and feel connected with other people it isn’t working. No one tells you that loneliness is a big part of adulthood. No one tells you that we all feel it, but a lie, buy items, or fake joy to show otherwise. I am here to tell you that it is ok to feel lonely. It is ok to acknowledge it. Stop shaming yourself because you feel a completely human feeling. Stop ignoring your feelings. The key to loneliness is not to ignore it. The key to loneliness is to identify the emotion and do something healthy with it. Most people feel that sinking feeling and try to solve that feeling with dating. They end up gravely disappointed, sink even lower, and have to dig themselves out of a deeper hole. You have to do something other than the blueprint that was given to you. In a previous Twitter post, I outlined ways to not be lonely. See below: https://twitter.com/charliestoolbox/status/1133693784028524544?s=20 These ideas are solely action steps that you should take. However, I’ve had followers ask about the mental and spiritual connection that you are unable to make with people. You want to have someone on the same wavelength as you. You want someone to get the same type of jokes as you, but that takes time. So, in the process of developing new bonds with people remember the following things:
1. To bond, you need to be vulnerable. To ensure you don’t get hurt again you decided to build your walls, but you did not learn the balance. You simply built your walls and as a result, you can't truly connect with someone on a deeper level. Remember, it is ok to be cautious. It is ok to vet; however, once someone shows you that they have great character and good judgment, show yourself. 2. People are human. Your boundaries have been crossed so many times, which makes you hyper-vigilant of bad behavior. Instead of allowing some wiggle room for humanity, you interpret every action as a grave mistake. To build bonds, you have to be aware that people are human, they will make a mistake, and you will disagree. Allow room for it. 3. Stop putting on your work face. Sometimes we hide our true identities because we believe that others don’t deserve the true self. This practice is not good. You disconnect yourself from yourself and you do it so much that you may or may not be out of touch with who you really are. Start being yourself. Start becoming comfortable with the idea that who you are may not be agreeable to some. Understand that it is completely ok to have people not mesh with you. Why would you want someone who only liked your faux self anyways? 4. Look for the positives. Don't lie to yourself, but look for qualities that are good instead of hyper-focusing on the bad. 5. Time. Inside jokes are built only with time and experience. Intimacy is solely built from time and experience. Give yourself both to build a true connection with someone.