Your good friend has been melancholy for a while. You used to invite her out. Encourage her to live a little, but after every event, she would talk about the same old thing- her ex. You are tired of it and you are bored with these conversations. You suggest therapy because the circular conversations are draining. You suggest books to help her get out of her rut. She doesn’t want to read them and She doesn’t believe she needs therapy. Finally, you step back because you can only be a sounding board for so long.
One day, she comes back into your life peppy, and excited. You think it is because she worked on herself while you were gone, but she did not. She found a new man who gave her a breath of fresh confidence. She glows, she sparkles, and she knows it. Because she is vibrating higher, she gives unsolicited advice about dating and self-esteem.
The honeymoon phase is a drug. it fills holes temporarily and makes you feel capable of any and everything. Unfortunately, that feeling does not last. Either, you are broken up with and lose the boost of confidence. Or the relationship becomes monotonous and the spark of confidence dies down. Then, it is back to the melancholy girl.
In the words of Carrie Bradshaw, I have to think, what would have happened if there was no boy? Would she be in a constant state of yearning? Would she never develop confidence? What happens if she runs into an exploiter who understands how much confidence he gives her?
The truth is men give you temporary life. That feeling of being loved and cared for empowers you. It makes us glow. It makes us happy, but it is a temporary fix. So, you have to stop lying to yourself, faking the funk, or getting your high off of men. It will never work. So, how do you stop getting high off the attention of men?
First, you understand that relationships are a temporary fix. Whatever holes you feel before the relationship, will show themselves in the relationship. The unhappiness you feel in the bed at night will arrive. Secondly, you take responsibility for yourself. It is not anyone’s responsibility to fix you. You are also delusional if you think a new relationship will fix the problems you have when you lay in your bed late at night. Lastly, self-worth is an individual journey. Of course, people can support you. Of course, you can have love, but self-worth is a journey that you have to take on your own. No amount of any person will fill you with the belief that you are worth something.
Below are ways to generate self-worth. They aren’t the only route, but they do help in growing it: · Affirmations- I know, I know, big sigh, but affirmations train your mind to believe that you are capable. When you affirm yourself, you quiet the feeling in your gut that stops you from completing your goals. You silence fear, sabotage, and any other emotion that inhibits you from trying. · Identify what you are good at, and reflect on those things when you feel down. You will feel down, so you need a plan of action to hold you up when you are feeling like you aren’t worth it. · Identify your internal voice and shut it down. That negative voice in your head was never yours. It is what was given to you by your parents, friends, and society. So, when that voice shows up label it a name, call it a hater, and shut it down. That is not you. That is not your true essence. Do you know how I know? Before you were hurt by the world, you believed that you were capable of everything. · Treat yourself like you would your friends. Would you talk to your friends like that? No. So, why do you think you deserve this vile behavior? · Forgive yourself. Mistakes are mistakes! Mistakes are you walking on a path that you lack knowledge of. Should you hurt yourself because you simply lacked knowledge of the path? Should you demean yourself because you were ill-equipped? That’s like hurting a child because they don’t know how to drive. They don’t have the life experiences, they aren’t old enough, and they don’t know the road. So, why would you criticize them? · Be present. Being in the past presents regrets. Being in the future presents anxiety. Being in the present presents your life. Be in the now. The only thing that can predict your future and your feelings is today.