What does it mean to choose yourself?

How many of us have been living on autopilot when something causes us to pause and reexamine our lives? We realize that we are living a life that is not true to ourselves; it feels foreign and inauthentic. We have been living a life that mirrors societal or family expectations, not our own. As women, we were taught from an early age to choose taking care of others before taking care of ourselves, and that if we focus on ourselves, it is selfish. Although it is important to care for others, what society has failed to do is teach us how to balance taking care of others while choosing ourselves. 

It can be easy to give in to societal or family expectations, but why do we do it? Maybe we want to not let down people in our lives, we get busy with being a parent and forget our own needs, we struggle with people-pleasing behaviors, or we are scared to take a risk for fear of what might go wrong. It is not uncommon for us to get lost in the tangled threads of our lives and not know how to untangle them. When we do not choose ourselves it causes us unhappiness, increased stress and anxiety, days devoid of joy, and challenges within our relationships. Choosing ourselves can be scary, but it is even more unnerving to imagine what our lives will look like if we do not.

When we decide to choose ourselves, it does not necessarily have to be an enormous change. It can be small, such as in the quiet moments when we finally admit to ourselves, “I deserve better than this.” It is taking a few minutes each day to meditate, starting a new class to learn something new, leaving a career that makes you miserable in search of a more fulfilling one, leaving a toxic relationship, deciding to go back to school, or setting firmer boundaries with others. Choosing yourself is the greatest act of self-love and allows you to reclaim your personal power. If you are not sure how to begin choosing yourself, below are tips to help get you started.

Tips on How to Choose Yourself:

1. Pause and Reflect on Your Life. Are you happy? Are you feeling satisfied and fulfilled? Do you feel energized or do you feel drained by life? Are you giving your power away? Identify the areas in your life that do not feel authentic to you and where you can begin to choose yourself.

2. Identify Your Values and Beliefs. This will help guide you in taking actionable steps. What do you value and believe? How can you live a life guided by your values and beliefs?

3. Visualize Your Life. Visualization is a powerful tool that helps us figure out what we want, and what we need to do to achieve our goals. What do you want out of life and what needs to go so you can achieve that new life? 

4. Embrace Who You Are. You are amazing and wonderful and I bet a lot of others believe so too. When we embrace who we are we are actively choosing ourselves.

5. Start with the Small Stuff. If making a big change is too difficult, start with something small and simple. Once you begin making smaller changes, eventually you will feel more confident making the larger ones.

6. Create a Plan. If it is a larger change you need to make (i.e. like a career change) then make an actionable plan. What steps can you take that will help you achieve your goal. Having a plan will help to stay organized and motivated to keep choosing yourself.

Choosing ourselves allows us to be happier, live satisfying and fulfilling lives, and show up more fully in our relationships. Our self-esteem and confidence begin to blossom, our mental and physical health improve, and we feel more empowered in our lives. True magic begins to happen when we decide to choose ourselves. However, deciding to choose yourself is your responsibility alone; no one can do it for you. We are only given this one life, and you owe it to yourself to live a life that feels authentic to you.

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• Time to Reflect: How can you choose yourself today?