The Humility Trap: Society’s Double Standard for Black Women

Black women have a history of standing at the intersection of resilience and scrutiny. While they are often praised for their strength, society has a way of quickly reminding them of “their place.” From the workplace to media representation, to even personal relationships, Black women are frequently pressured to tone themselves down, accept less than they deserve, or be reminded that they are “lucky” to have any opportunities at all. This is not encouragement. It is a systemic attempt to humble them.

Examples of this narrative were highlighted by how former Vice President Kamala Harris has always been treated or perceived during her electoral campaigns. Harris was often criticized as being "too ambitious” and "too aggressive." A double standard is rarely applied to male candidates. White male politicians with similar styles (like Joe Biden or Bernie Sanders) were described as passionate or strong leaders, while Harris was framed as unlikable or untrustworthy. Even after becoming Vice President, similar humbling continued as some critics downplayed her historic role by referring to her as a “DEI hire,” undermining her accomplishments and reducing them to tokenism.

Why Black Women Are Targeted

At the root of this pattern lies a blend of racism, sexism, and stereotypes that society has failed to dismantle. Since slavery, Black women have been devalued, labeled as hypersexual, aggressive, or unworthy of gentleness. This narrative lingers, shaping how others perceive them. The “strong Black woman” trope makes people believe Black women can endure anything. Instead of being celebrated as fully human, they are often denied vulnerability, softness, or luxury. When a Black woman achieves success, visibility, or wealth, it challenges long-held hierarchies. Humbling her becomes a way to reassert control, to remind her she should not shine “too brightly.”

The Push to “Settle”

Black women are told to accept less pay at work, tolerate being overlooked for promotions, or pressured to be grateful for bare minimum treatment in relationships. Society conditions them to believe they should be humble, not demanding. That asking for what they deserve makes them “difficult.” That excelling too much is “intimidating.”

Every reminder to “settle” is a way of saying that their worth is negotiable. Black women are not here to exist in fragments of themselves; they deserve to thrive fully, loudly, and unapologetically. Instead of forcing Black women to shrink, society must expand its capacity to embrace their brilliance, success, innovativeness, and complexity. Humility should never be forced upon someone as a means of control or to devalue them.

Historical Legacies of Devaluation

During slavery and beyond, Black women were stripped of autonomy, labeled as property, and seen as laborers rather than human beings deserving of care. That legacy persists in how society undervalues their labor both professionally and emotionally. Black women in the U.S. continue to earn just 64 cents for every dollar earned by white men, one of the largest wage gaps among women. This inequity is not simply economic. It is a cultural statement that their contributions are “worth less.”

The “Strong Black Woman” Trope

Popular culture often praises Black women as “strong,” but this stereotype has a dangerous edge. While resilience can be admirable, society weaponizes it against Black women, denying them permission to show vulnerability, ask for support, or demand fairness. Instead, they are told to “tough it out” or be “grateful” for whatever they receive.

Fear of Power and Visibility

When Black women succeed on a grand scale, it disrupts racial and gender hierarchies. A confident, visible, and powerful Black woman is often seen as “too much.” As a result, society attempts to humble her, subtly or publicly, to restore the comfort of others. This is why critiques about attitude, appearance, or “fitting in” often trail their accomplishments.

Everyday Humbling

The attempt to humble Black women is not reserved for the famous. In workplaces, Black women often report being passed over for promotions despite being overqualified. They are told they are “too assertive” when they advocate for themselves, while the same traits are celebrated in male colleagues or other non-black women.

In relationships, societal narratives influence Black women to “settle” and accept partners who may not meet their standards, as if expecting reciprocity, respect, and genuine love is asking for too much. Even in healthcare, studies show Black women’s pain is often minimized, and they are less likely to be taken seriously by doctors. This is a form of humbling that can have life-threatening consequences due to the dehumanization of black women.

Why Black Women Are Told to Settle?

• The push for Black women to settle stems from deep insecurities and systemic biases: Control: By teaching Black women not to want too much, society keeps them from disrupting hierarchies of gender and race.

• Jealousy and Intimidation: Black women’s achievements highlight inequities, often provoking discomfort or resentment. Diminishing them is a way to ease that discomfort.

• Scarcity Mindset: Society conditions Black women to believe opportunities, love, and success are scarce for them, so they should be grateful for whatever comes their way.

Moving Beyond Forced Humility

Humbling Black women is not about balance. It is about control. It communicates that their worth is conditional, that their excellence must always come with a caveat. But Black women are not here to live in fragments of themselves. They deserve to be seen in their fullness: brilliant, vulnerable, ambitious, and whole.

Moving forward, society must advocate and normalize these things:

Celebrate without policing. Black women’s accomplishments should be recognized without backhanded critiques.

Close structural gaps. Equal pay, access to healthcare, and leadership opportunities must reflect their true worth.

Shift cultural narratives. Retire the “strong Black woman” stereotype and replace it with space for complexity, softness, and authenticity.

Every attempt to humble a Black woman is a reminder of how deeply society fears her power. Yet, despite centuries of attempts to silence, minimize, or control them, Black women continue to thrive, innovate, and lead. The question is not whether Black women will rise, they always do. The question is whether society will finally expand its lens to honor them fully, without trying to dim their light. Black women do not need to be humbled. They need to be celebrated, supported, and given the space to exist as unapologetically whole.